Hey Lacey,

Currently I am 17 turning 18 and I have fallen in love with a friend that went to jail. I’ve always crushed on him while he was out but it wasn’t until he went to jail that I told him the truth. I know how he used to be, but the way he talks it seems as if he’s changed since then. But I believe what he’s telling me but he has this ex who he’s never done anything with that keeps saying she’s wifey. She talks to him while he’s in jail but I think she a front because she refuses to show me what he’s wrote where as I don’t have a problem photocopying all his letters and showing them to her. Me and him talk about having kids getting married and all that. I put off having sex and relationships for him but i’m not sure of it. My question is, “am I being young and it’s coming too easy and shouldn’t be putting my all in it or should I just do me and wait till he comes home?”

Your first mistake—among many in my opinion—was expressing your feelings to someone who’s not viable in society. Your man is crippled being locked up behind bars and from the point of view of certain women, he’s vulnerable. In your mind, you can use that to your advantage to get the man you’ve always wanted. Your actions have ‘desperate’ written all over them. From his point of view, you’re being manipulative. He will allow you to hold him down while he’s in jail, but make no mistake about what I am going to say. He will leave you. Effective immediately. And he won’t feel an ounce of guilt or remorse. If he wanted you he would have made a move before he went to prison.

Since you haven’t mentioned how much time he has, I’ll only infer that it was enough to get your courage up to approach him in a romantic way. If you two were friends before he went to jail and that’s the category he kept you in, trust me, that’s exactly where he wanted to keep you. Personally, I don’t believe in women making the first move. Men are hunters by nature and they love giving chase. Women are supposed to be pursued. Chivalry is not dead. That’s what real men enjoy doing.

Your second mistake, which is showcasing your age, is suggesting that you’d photocopy letters to show to the other woman. Never allow ANYONE to have that much power over you. I can’t say whether she’s lying or not about being with your guy but I think that you should fall back, concentrate on school and work (I’m assuming you’re doing both), and wait until he comes from out of prison. I would talk to him and explain that you feel that you two should pump the brakes until he comes home. If what you two share is real, it will be evident beyond the prison walls.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t think that he’s the end all-be all. You will love again. Focus on your future. I wish you well.

I am 35 years old and currently dating a 22 yr old Man.  I am seriously in love with this man he shows the same feelings if not more involved.  He is wanting to get married soon like next year… OCTOBER. We have discussed this on several occasions and I really want to do this.  The funny part is that his family has accepted me with no issues.  I feel so good about this but very scared at the same time.  I have prayed about this and expressed myself to him about the age difference and he just said its not a problem to him its just a number.  Lacey, how should I feel about this?  I really don’t know what to do and I can’t see myself leaving him alone.  He is so perfect to me he treats me better than any man I have ever been with.

Sincerely,

Lacey